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Secrets to Dating Lara Croft

Secrets to Dating Lara Croft


Dear Lara Croft Lover,

I’m a strong believer that for each of us is there fish waiting to be discovered.  He or she is hanging out at that coffee shop you drive by every day to work waiting for you to drop in and say hi.  He or she is a friend of yours on Facebook wondering why you haven’t “liked” their status update yet.  He or she has lived ten minutes away from your entire life.  Bumm-bummm-bummmmmm.

I got into this debate with a buddy of mine over what the perfect date would be if Lara Croft were real and one of us males were able to snag a date with her.  I came up with this list (which fellas should easily work on any gal you take on a night out to town).

There are 5 things in order to be Lara Croft’s main squeeze:

1.  You need to appeal to her visual senses.

Lara croft many imagesFor a long time I thought Lara was a hippie because I’d only see her wear shorts-shorts and a T-shirt (Belt was optional).  Then something clicked in me, I realized that’s her work uniform.  Her outfit is the equivalent of one of us wearing a suit and a tie to an interview.  YUCK!  I know.

Which means if you were ever lucky enough to get a date, dress the part good sir because you better believe she has a huge closet filled with outfits she thinks is cute and is dying to wear.  Look at it this way, you’re not dressing for success, you’re dressing for Lara Croft.

Step it up or step aside.  If your suit and tie is your go to outfit I suggest a pin or cufflinks.  Yeah, cufflinks to represent the suave guy in you.

2.  You need to be able to talk with her beyond world issues.

Lara TravelingLara’s seen the entire world – twice!  What can you possibly tell her that she hasn’t experienced firsthand?!  I suggest open ended questions liiiike, “What do you think about copy machines?”

To the untrained eye this feels like a throwaway question.  But listen up rookie, read between the lines.  When Lara hears this she’s going to think two thoughts:  First, “He has a job.  How else does he know about copy machines?”  Right there your value has doubled.  You can take care of her.

Next up, “He could talk to me about anything, this is what he asks?”  Yeah, it’s the old one-two.  Snatch and grab.  Trick AND treat.  She’s hooked, interested, never heard that type of opener before.  Where is this going???  I don’t know you tell her stallion.

3.  You need to physically challenge her.

Lara BowlingI suggest bowling.

There’s no way you going to beat her in arm wrestling.  I’ve seen her kill  dinosaurs (Don't believe me?  Click here).  But you know who loses when you go bowling?  NO ONE.  Bowling is that game you can play with the opposite gender that makes losers and winners feel good all around.

Why?  Because it’s a great setting to laugh at yourself and partner together!  Which is a must if you want to show Lara you can have a good time under any circumstance.

4.  You need to pick up the check.

lara mansion

Lara is loaded up the ying-yang, so money doesn’t mean jack to her.  You won’t impress her with your bank account, but you will prove to her chivalry isn’t dead by picking up the check.  Although I doubt the check will impact your wallet that much it’s the thought that counts and Lara will pick up on this you high roller you!

5.  For all that is holy and unholy in this universe go for the kiss man!

Are you a man or a boy-man?  A man sees what he wants and takes it (In the confines and respect to the state laws in which they are in.  Please don’t rape anyone).  If you go on a date with Lara the first words out of your mouth when you return from this adventure should be, “I tried to kiss her…

It doesn’t matter if you nailed it or not, but you have to try man!  At the end of the day it’s cool you two love birds had fun. It’s sweet these tips worked out in your favor.  It might even be promising if she wants to see you again.

But this is Lara Croft!!!  If you don’t try and kiss her I’m sorry but I have to ask why not good sir? If a girl agrees to go out with you, she likes you.

As your unofficial-official gaming OkCupid Advice Guy I’m letting you know if Lara Croft goes out with you, she likes you and if you don’t try and kiss her you don’t deserve her because you may never get a second shot.       

Signed,

Your Unofficial-Official Gaming OkCupid Guy

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About the Author
Kirk Deis
Kirk Deis

1730 Points, 52 Comments, and 24 Articles.

My background is in screenwriting. I've ghost written, written for video games, written for blogs, copywriting, you name it odds are I've done it. Check out my website www.kirksbedroom.com

2 Comments
  1. Date: September 21, 2013
    Author: ryanjohnson

    5280 Points, 93 Comments, and 4 Articles.

    What?! hahaha yes.

    [Reply]
    • Kirk Deis
      Date: September 21, 2013
      Author: kirkus

      1730 Points, 52 Comments, and 24 Articles.

      It had to be said Ryan…HAD to be said :)

      [Reply]
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